you traded sex for a burrito?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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