AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
