the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
