i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
