Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
