shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
