Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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