Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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