would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
