Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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