I don't usually arrange sex via text message
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize