apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
