There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
