How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
