If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
