32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
