Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
