Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
