I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Randomize
