I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
