she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
