I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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