When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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