He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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