a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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