My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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