Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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