We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
