No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Of course I have a pirate flag
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
