Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
