I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
