He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
