Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
