hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
