ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
