ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
