so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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