i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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