I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I party with great urgency now.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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