This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Randomize
