she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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