You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
