I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
