woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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