Your mouth is God's brothel.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I pour the whiskey from now on
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
