Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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