we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
What drink are we having for lunch?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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