he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
