No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
What a dumb baby whore.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
