At least make sure they are 18
Why
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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