Where did you get a picture of my penis
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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