I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
