You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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