in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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