So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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