I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize