I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
