I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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