So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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