So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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