Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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