Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We talked him into tasing himself.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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