i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Randomize
