I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
