I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
