I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I have tasted many bathrooms
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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