Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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