I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
