I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i will never coherently bang her
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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