Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
