Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
