I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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