Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
