Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
