you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
