Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
