I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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