I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
