idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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