you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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