Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
