can we get nightvision for the apartment?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
How naked do you want me to be?
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