I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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