What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
