He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
