Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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