I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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