maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
