maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
