I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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