So drunk its hurt
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
