my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize