I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize
