You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Barsexuality is the new black.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
