like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize