uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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