Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
