Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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