don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize